If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize