this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize