i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
