your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
