Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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