Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
