I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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