It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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