Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Randomize
