They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
