normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
