i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize