I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
