Your favorite bartender is back from prision
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
