My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize