i would punch a child for taco bell
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize