just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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