I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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