Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
