it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Floor bacon is actually really good
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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