you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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