Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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