happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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