Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
