So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
