but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize