If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize