Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize