think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
