Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
