Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
