Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Congratulations! We have a period
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