I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the condom got lost in my hair
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
