I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
