i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
