Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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