people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize