I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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