you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
