so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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