just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
