i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
