I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
