Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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