I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
