I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize