The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
