How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You are a genius and a whore.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
