I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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