I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
