What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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