why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
