Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
