Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
