Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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