It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize