There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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