My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
