let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
