You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
is that a dick in a sweater?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
