Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
