holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
