I'm going to rape someone's good day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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