can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
