I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
