Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
