And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
