He passed out mid-signature
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Houston, we have a blender
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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